I've Been Hiding Something from You...
It's Tuesday. I'm here for you.
The Pick Me Up is a Monday morning newsletter filled with advice, personal stories, and tips to help you get out of bed and jumpstart your week.
Greetings, friend! It’s me, Jen Glantz. I’m writing this to you from Montauk.
I’ve never been here before. In the summer, I hear this place is quite the scene.
In the winter, it’s filled with a lot of silence.
From my hotel room, I can hear the ocean roar at all hours of the night. From the sidewalk, I can see the marram grass sway, lazily, it seems. From the road, I see nothing. No cars, no people, no stop signs.
There’s not much that grows when it’s freezing out, but there’s a lot that just tries to survive.
Yet, inside the dull moments of silence, of slowness, we become desperate for answers to questions that help us feel alive.
But inside moments of silence, of slowness, we often find every single thing we’ve been looking for.
If you feel like this time of year is just a giant waiting room where you can’t stop tapping your toes to the tune of: what’s next? what’s next? what’s next? when’s it going to happen already?
Sit still, listen, look around you.
A whole lot of nothing is always more than that.
What’s next is already happening.
PS. I've been hiding something from you. Something really big and shocking. I don’t even know how to tell you this, but OK, let me try.
I’ve been sharing my life on the internet for 11+ years. But the truth is, most of what I share has been on a bit of a delay.
The big moments, at least.
When I got a book deal, or sold a TV show, or got engaged, and then married, I waited as long as I could to tell you. Mostly so I could live inside those moments, alone, to understand them first.
I have the kind of heart that feels everything, deeply and densely. When I try to communicate what I feel, when I’m feeling it, it just sounds like crumpled up confetti.
So I wait. I let things sizzle inside of me. I let them haunt me in the middle of the night. I walk around in circles, talking to myself. I overcook my thoughts.
I do all these weird things, all by myself, until finally I am ready to tell anyone else what’s going on.
First, my family.
Then, a few very close friends…but not always.
So, I’ve been hiding something big from you for almost a year.
And finally, I’m ready to tell you what’s going on.
I hope to have the courage to share my secret tomorrow, here, and perhaps you’ll see why it will be my wildest adventure yet.
In this issue: How I’m learning not to hold intense grudges, a book I’ve been loving, and my cold-weather picks.
Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is The Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 8-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thank you for letting this email live in in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.
Today’s newsletter is sponsored by: Sunsama:
One of the biggest things I’m working on this new year is getting better with managing my time and my to-do list. Lately, I’ve found myself “clocking out” of work at 10:30pm, which is way past my bedtime. When I look at why that’s happening, it’s mostly because I’m not as organized as I need to be.
For the past few months, I’ve started using Sunsama, a virtual planning assistant that has helped me establish a routine and pulls in my emails, calendar events, and tasks into one single app, so I know exactly how to focus on my day ahead.
Super happy with the platform. Give it a try and plan your day in Sunsama.
Instant Pick Me Ups
🍪: Everyone you know is going through a ton of stuff that you don’t know about. You might know a third of what’s cooking in their life. The rest are things they are using courage and strength to process and to handle all by themselves. So remind yourself this:
If someone is acting distant or off, it’s not always because of you. It could just be they are at a mental max of what they can handle and process right now. Forgive with patience.
Take 3-minutes and text 3 people in your life: hello, thinking about you, I love you.
If you think you need to get better at giving advice, perhaps you need to get better at listening. Listening is one of the biggest super powers a person can have.
📚: I got a copy of Maggie Smith’s new book and wow. I can’t put it down. Every night, I read a few pages before bed and then drift to sleep thinking about her words.
🎧: Not my usual song pick, but it’s calming and gorgeous. I love it today.
People who love me, walk on tippy-toes around me.
Because they have learned, the frustrating way, that when they say something that makes me upset, or mad, or angry, the road to forgiveness is a narrow uphill path with sharp stones and sudden twists.
I am the kind of person who holds onto a lot: detailed memories, expired love, dried-up emotions.
But more than anything - grudges.
Last week, I got into an argument with my mom over the phone.
It took me two days to respond to any of her calls or texts with anything but these shallow words:
Okay. I’m fine. Yep. Whatever.
She said she was sorry. She begged me:
Let it go, already. Can we just move on? What do you want me to do to fix this?
But I build up a stubborn wall and this wall can’t be knocked down until I say it will.
When I look back at my life so far, my biggest regrets revolve around how much time it took me to say: I forgive you. Let’s move on.
It could be days, weeks, there are a few people where it took a few months.
It took me too many years to realize that:
Arguments don’t have winners or losers.
They have people who both want the same thing: to be heard, to be seen, to be understood.
The second you realize that no matter what you say, or how you say it, the other person isn’t going to ever be able to fully see your perspective, the quicker you can just say:
What happened, hurt me. What you said, made me break down. What went on between us was not something I hope happens again.
But I am ready to let it go. I am ready to move on.
In the last few years, I have slowly become better at saying those words, in a reasonable amount of time.
Mostly by first processing how I feel (by myself), then writing down how I feel, and then sharing those thoughts with the other person. Just once. After they understand me, hear me, see me, I forgive them.
After some back-and-forth with my mom, she texted me:
Life is short, let’s move on.
Because even though what we argued about hasn’t been resolved and it may never will. I have to admit, she’s right about that.
Life is short.
The long-sleeve top I wear every single day - worth every penny
Good boots for the rain, snow, and the cold days too
I live in leggings from this brand
1:1 Coaching: I’m officially opening ONE spots for 1:1 coaching this month. If you ever wanted to work with me as your professional side-kick to help you get a new career, start a side hustle/personal brand, or elevate your business, book a coaching session.
Share: Email someone this newsletter (thank you, dear friend).
I’ll be back next week with a new Monday Pick-Me-Up. Until then, I leave you with this:
We’re weighed down by our secrets, but they are ours, until we are ready to share them. If you’re having a day where you feel like a pile of bricks, check to see how your secrets are doing. They follow you everywhere, ya know? They infect everything you do, everything you are. They become you.
When you’re ready, hold onto some, but free the others, however you can.